Here is an inside to my thoughts. My name is Kimberly Dianna Grana, Kimmey for short and I attend All saints catholic girls college. I kinda love this butcher guy so yeah.
I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts and my feelings. That is all.
You just don't understand.Sunday, October 16, 2011
I’m really hoping that you’re going to listen to me and study as much as you can, like you said you would..
Morokot, I don’t tell you these things because I wanna be a pain in the ass, I don’t tell you these things, like to study non stop, because I wanna be a naggy girlfriend, I don’t tell you to study because I don’t wanna be around you, I tell you to study and I tell you these things because I love and care about you. This determines your future, and I really want you to do well. It’s for your benefit. How would nagging you to study benefit me? It doesn’t, at all, I do it all for you. I want you to do well so you can be happy.
I already feel as if I’m a distraction to your studying, so I feel that the only way I can help is by forcing you to study. I can understand that you want a break, and you wanna have fun on your break, but why not do something productive rather than play games? You complain and say you don’t have enough time to study, yet you’re playing games and such. If you wanna waste your study time by playing games, then play games. If you don’t get the ATAR you wanted or that you hoped for, you really have no one to blame but yourself.
You know what I’m scared of? You might blame me.. Because we’ve spent so much time together when you should be studying.. Then what if this doesn’t end well?
Maybe we need a break? Maybe we don’t.. I don’t know what to do.
Going to become a cave woman.Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Once again, I've repelled technology, but not any technology, my favourite piece of technology. My only piece of technology that never failed me before, that provided me with entertainment, satisfaction, happiness. What piece of technology am I talking about? My beautiful iPod.. My iTouch that I got back in October last year before I went to Uruguay.
Over the past year, I've put so much shit on my iPod.. So many songs, so many different apps, taken so many photos with the lovely camera on both sides.. Man, I'm going to miss all my shit.. So today, as I was about to fix my hair to take some photos, I tried updating facebook, since I had the older version, and I also tried updating instagram while downloading twitter aswell, since I've been using it recently. When I tried changing the song, it froze, yet the song was still playing. I restarted it, and then went to the recovery screen, telling me to plug it into my laptop. Either I found a way to fix it or all my stuff would be lost. I tried nearly everything, so many things to try and get it working again, yet nothing worked. Just a few minutes ago, I decided to just recover it and let all that stuff go down the drain.. The thing is, I don't have the songs on my laptop, and I also don't have the photos on my laptop, let alone the notes and all.. Ugh.. So many photos and songs gone to waste!
The thine I hate the most is that I'm losing things from before Morokot and I were together.. All the notes, photos from when he first came over, photos of us in general.. So many things are now gone.. I guess I'll have to deal with it though..
I really hope to get a new itouch when the latest one comes out, which I think is already out.. It looks so nice! And it's available in white too.. Hopefully, I get it soon.. Or I might as my dad, brother, Jess and my mum to chip in and get me an iPhone since there's a way to make Crazy Johns work with iPhones. I don't know if I should even get one since I'm horrible with technology.. But anyways..
So, I've gone back to school, and it's the same stuff.. Everyone's annoying, everyone's stupid, everyone's slow when they're walking to and from places, and everything annoys me. I need to start writing up study notes since the SC is coming along.. I should do it now, so when everyone else is doing it, I'm actually studying :-) Which will be a plus for me yay.
The other day, Morokot did the cutest thing.. I tweeted that I was hungry, and there was nothing to make at home, since my mum left me no money, my mum didn't buy anything that week, and she didn't leave me any money when she went out. Morokot replied, asking what food I wanted, and I replied with 'food' like I usually do. About 40 minutes later, he calls me, and I thought he was just calling me to talk, then he told me to open the gate.. I went outside, thinking that he was just coming over, but when I opened the gate, he had maccas for me.. I felt like I was gonna cry for some reason.. LOL! It was the sweetest thing. We ate together, and then watched some of the simpsons movie and then he had to go back home to study :( But yeah.. It was the thought that counted.. and it was sweet :-)
Anyways.. I think I might go now. Still no good news with the ipod, but there is a chance that I'm going to get the iPhone 4S from Michelle :) Yay!
We all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.Thursday, October 6, 2011
Either I have the best boyfriend ever, or I've just had really shit boyfriends in the past.
Today, my mum was being a total bitch to me, and Morokot came to my house right when it was happening. He must have felt awkward, but probably not as awkward as I did.
Anyways, she ended up making me cry, and then she left the house. I just laid on my bed crying.. and you know what Morokot did? He laid with me, hugging me and rubbing my back. I hate it when people talk to me when I'm upset, and he didn't talk at all, he just held me..
To go higher, you need to drop the shit that's weighing you down.Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Once again, we had another fight. It wasn't even a fight, it was just me being stupid, again.. And thankfully, like every other fight, this one has a happy ending too.
It started off with us barely talking on the night of Looze Control (which we won). At first, I didn't talk because I was nervous, scared, afraid of performing. I know that we perform all the time but this time it just got to me, because I never get nervous. Then, when we were on the train, I tried everything, all my best efforts to make him comfortable, yet I couldn't succeed and it just annoyed me. Ended up sleeping on each other and then we had to get off. While walking, we didn't talk either, and that just made me worse..
I hate being talked to when I'm annoyed, but the only person I want and need talking to me is Morokot. He is seriously the only thing that makes everything better. Whether I respond or not, I just need his voice to comfort me. When we got home, we barely said a word to each other, and got on opposite sides of the bed, rather than sleep together, and then we fell asleep straight away.. We didn't even have sex, which surprised me, because we usually do it even if we're tired or not.
In the morning, he woke up for work, and it's like nothing happened the night before, and I thought he left in a good mood. When I was on my way to dancing, I got a message from him saying that his sister invited us to dinner, but the way I interpreted his replies wasn't good lol.. So I got angry, and said I wasn't going to go, along with some blunt and short replies since I felt like I was annoying him. I even said, that I felt like I was annoying him, and what did I get in return? "Aww. Okay then". I ended up getting pissed off like no tomorrow and started crying on the bus, like the idiot that I am. I stood outside Glen's house for a good 20 minutes trying to clean myself up so no one would know I was crying. When I got to dance, I didn't talk to anyone for atleast 4 hours. When Gerina arrived, I finally started talking, and ended up telling her everything. Morokot texted me while I was at the Filo fest, and all I gave were stupid replies, he could tell something was up, and told me to tell him when I was ready to talk about it.
I didn't reply until around 3-4 am. I was so dead, yet, I couldn't sleep because that was on my mind the whole time. I sent him a text saying what was up, and why I acted like I did. Turns out I wasn't annoying him, and he felt the same. Also turns out that I need to chill the eff out about stupid shit like that lol. During the day he messaged me back, and we sorted things out. He told me to come over and so I did. We had tacos for dinner that Simalis made, and we finished watching Shawshank redemption which, surprisingly, I really really liked :) Watched some tv while making out and eventually had sex LOL which had to be quiet because his sisters room and parents room are right near his lulz. And then we just chilled in his bed until he had to study. I just watched tv until I fell asleep.
In the morning, he went driving and then went for his P's test. He finally got them after the 3rd try, yay! He also made fun of how I slept, called me cute, and recorded himself doing stupid shit to me LOL. Then we went driving to maccas and bumped into Robert, then he drove me home since he had to go to the library to study. I don't know why, but him driving and me right next to him, holding his hand was exciting :3 It also made me feel 48375934859 times better, since all that shit happened. I got home and jumped on twitter for the first time in ages and I saw some of his tweets. On the day that we had that fight, I saw one of his tweets that said "Sigh sigh sigh". I don't know if that was because of what happened but it was cute. And then I saw other tweets about me, like "studying while the gf is asleep on me" "@kimnanas is a qt when she sleeps" and I don't know why but they just gave me butterflies.
I sat on my bed for about 20 minutes, thinking about what I did to deserve a boy like him, and how lucky I am. I got teary for some reason LOL, I don't know why. There are so many ups and downs to loving someone and letting yourself go.. But I swear, it makes you feel so good. I haven't felt this good in so long. I haven't been this happy for this long and ages, and I hope it stays like this. Because I love you.
A bunch of ups can't overcome a couple of downs.Monday, October 3, 2011
Perfect song to describe how I'm feeling right now lol.
If you didn't want me to go, you could have said it. It's either a yes or a no, not a 'I don't mind'. You wanna study or spend time with your family alone, do it. I wont stop you, as much as I want to be with you and spend time with you, I would never stop you from your schoolwork and especially your family. I feel as if you feel that spending time with me is so.. annoying. If you don't want to be with me, don't feel as if you can't say it, because I'd much rather that than having to figure it out myself. I know that the way you mean things is different to the way that I interpret them, but you said you'd take that into consideration. If you know that I interpret things differently, why would you do the same thing that we had problems over last time?
I'm always a happy person, and I barely let things get to me, but how come with you, every single thing gets to me? Not just some things, but literally, everything? How come when one little thing goes wrong, it effects me more than anything else effects me? It always leaves me questioning what we're doing, what I'm doing, if it's right, if this is right.. I don't wanna question us. I love you, more than I love anyone else, or any other guy I've been with. I don't care how cliche it is, but I do. You have no idea how much effort, strength, and everything else I have into this relationship.
I never put up with anyone's shit besides my own, if I didn't love you, I would have left a long time ago. I know that this isn't the end, but why does it feel like it? You tell me to talk to you when I wanna talk about things, but how do I go about doing it? I know that to sort problems out you need to talk about them, but we shouldn't have problems. Why am I questioning us.. I know we're going to fight, and I know we're going to have problems, but I don't want to have them, this isn't us. I know that this isn't the end, I know that this is a tiny problem that we're going to have to deal with, and we're going to encounter many of these along our relationship, but just give me time. Give me time to deal with everything, to see what I'm doing wrong, to see what I do and don't like and to see how I can fix my own wrongs, but maybe you should have some time to yourself to see the same things that I'm trying to see.
Please don't give up on me.. I just need this space, and you need it too, to clear out our minds.
